Bundles of Joy
by The Lady And The Pinku
Summary: When protection is not used, "joyous" consequences appear, and 9 months later, they will be bor... LxRaito, MelloxMattxNear, ?xMatsuda mpreg
1. Sweet Surprise

A/N (Lady Ali style): As if the world wasn't crack-filled enough... xD Shut up, I had to write mpreg, it's the only kind of slash I haven't written yet, and when I teamed up with the lovely Pinku Aisu Kuriimu... well, the crack just sort of multiplied. xDD

Disclaimer: Death Note don't belong to us.

Warnings: Yaoi, mpreg, crazyness \o\

Summary: When protection is not used, "joyous" consequences appear, and 9 months later, they will be born…

Pairings: LxRaito, MelloxMattxNear, ?xMatsuda

* * *

Bundles of Joy

_Chapter 1: Sweet Surprise_

Raito was not feeling well. In fact he was feeling distinctly un-well. Downright nauseous. Tylenol wasn't working, antacids weren't working, rest wasn't working, and according to the thermometer he had no temperature. Of course Raito only really caved when the Pepto Bismol had no effect. Seriously, if it can't be cured with Pepto Bismol, it's probably life-threatening.

So he went to the doctor.

Well, he didn't just go of course. First he had to call, and wait several minutes listening to bad hold music, then talk to a secretary who may or may not have obtained a high school degree at some point in her life. Eventually all this led to the setting of an appointment. And then, on the preset date of the appointment, Raito went to the doctor.

"What seems to be the problem?" Dr. Muffin asked. (Do not talk about his name. Don't make him get out the giant needle!)

"I'm having this persistent nausea." Raito explained, "I also feel somewhat bloated. Normally I'd think it was food poisoning, but it's been going on for quite a while now. Also, Pepto Bismol didn't help." The doctor nodded gravely.

"Well, I'll run some tests, and get back to you." The doctor said. "I'm going to need a sample of your blood and urine, and also... Well, I have to ask this." The doctor took a deep breath, and Raito felt more than a little nervous.

"Yes?" He replied.

"Are you sexually active?" The doctor questioned, deadly serious. Raito blinked, and blushed heavily. 'It's fine, he's a doctor. And I'm nearly nineteen. I shouldn't be ashamed.' The teen thought.

"Well... yes." Raito forced out. The doctor nodded again.

"Alright, thank you for being honest. As I said I'm going to need to run the tests though. Go see the nurse she'll give you an... um... cup. When you're done with that another nurse should be waiting in here to take a sample of your blood. Then you may go home. We should have the test results back by tomorrow." The doctor instructed. Raito nodded, still somewhat embarrassed, and went off to follow the directions.

Half an hour later, on the drive home, Raito had to pull over to the side of the road and throw up.

"That's strange, I don't remember eating any cheese..."

* * *

_Ring! Ring! Ring!_ Went Raito's cell phone. There were multiple looks of surprise from the Kira Investigators, and a look of strong annoyance from L.

"Haven't I said that I wanted you all to have your phones turned off while you were here?" The dark-haired detective stated irritatedly.

"Sorry Ryuuzaki, but it's for medical reasons." Raito explained, hurriedly answering the phone. L blinked, a tinge of concern entering his gaze as he wondered what might be wrong with Raito. "Hello?"

"Hello, Mr. Raito Yagami?"

"Yes, speaking."

"This is Dr. Muffin. I have your test results here and I am happy to inform you that there's nothing amiss." The doctor said happily. Raito breathed a sigh of relief.

"That's good to know." He replied, smiling and thinking it must just be a particularly resilient flu bug.

"Yes, although I'd need an ultrasound to be completely sure, all the signs point to your baby being completely healthy, and your body having adapted just fine. Everything is in working order."

There was a long period of quiet as Raito's brain attempted to process this remark.

"What." He stated finally. The doctor seemed to realize his mistake.

"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't realized you didn't know... You're pregnant. About a month along, I'd say." The doctor responded cheerfully.

"Is this some kind of joke!?"

"I'm afraid not, perhaps if you didn't want a child you should have used the proper contraceptive protection aids." Dr. Muffin said offendedly.

"I'm a MAN!" Raito nearly shouted into the phone, provoking numerous odd and confused stares from those listening to his side of the conversation.

"I am aware of that, Mr. Yagami. I did meet you the other day after all. Now, if you don't want this child I would suggest scheduling an appointment with the abortionist. Good day." The line went dead. Raito stared at his cell phone in shock.

"Something wrong, Raito-kun?" L asked innocently. Raito stared at him numbly.

"The stupid doctor thinks I'm pregnant." He answered dazedly. There was a stunned silence.

"Well, perhaps you should have used the pill, like I told you." L admonished, taking a sip of his overly-sweetened tea.

"What!? I thought you were joking! Besides, I'm a MAN! MEN DON'T GET PREGNANT!" The teen shouted, though he sounded a tad desperate now.

"I hate to be the one to break it to you Raito, but without protection there is a significant chance of becoming impregnated as a consequence of being the submissive during sex." L explained calmly. "Did you never receive the 'Talk' as it were?"

"YES I DID! PREGNANT MEN WEREN'T IN IT!"

"Well it isn't my fault if you received insufficient information." L replied. Raito turned to the other Kira Investigators, all of whom appeared very awkward and embarrassed, and also seemed to be shooting longing stares at the door. Except Matsuda, who for some reason was knitting something out of light purple yarn.

"Can any of you believe this!?"

"Well, yes, actually Raito." Matsuda confirmed, with some sheepishness. "Wow... usually you're the one who knows things and I never know anything."

Raito fainted.

* * *

"We really shouldn't have been so hard on him, what with his... _delicate_ state and all." Matsuda's voice floated into Raito's gradually returning consciousness.

"It's rather your fault, Yagami-san. As the parent, isn't it your responsibility to make sure your son knows the facts of life?" That sounded like L's voice.

"What!? Don't talk like that to me, you're the one who impregnated him!" Came the older Yagami's indignant shout.

"I did warn him to take the pill. It's hardly my fault if he didn't know enough to take me seriously!"

This was the conversation as heard by Raito as he fully woke up. He also discovered he had a splitting headache and an odd urge to eat caramel-covered salmon. But there was of course non available here, Raito looked around and noticed that L, who was preoccupied with the conversation, had forgotten about his cake. _Caramel _cake. 'That should work' Raito though and he just stole the cake and started eating.

Raito continued listening to the conversation as he ate the cake. It was fun to hear them blaming one another for his pregnancy. It surprised him they didn't even notice he was awake!!

"If you didn't want him to have a baby then you should have warned him yourself Ryuuzaki!"

"As I have already stated, how should I know he wasn't aware of something so basic? You should have told him. It's your duty!"

Wait… what did that mean? It seemed like Ryuuzaki really didn't want the baby… yes… he hated the child!! Raito was shocked by this whole affair, and didn't know what to do yet but the baby was his child! And L was the father! How could L hate his poor and innocent baby?

And now Raito was hit by the infamous mood swings of pregnancy, and he started crying.

* * *

L was hearing a strange sound. A very strange sound. A sound he had never heard before in his entire life.

He looked around. None of the Kira Investigators appeared to be making any sound, Soichiro was looking at him with a confused expression, waiting for an answer, but no, it wasn't him.

L searched more. His cake was gone. Not that it could be the cause, a cake doesn't make any sounds, unless it fall and splats on the floor. But there was no cake on the floor.  
He looked even more. And then he saw. Raito was awake. He was awake and had his face hidden behind his hands. Yes he was the one making this strange sound.  
But then the question came. What in the name of strawberries _was _this sound?

Wait… his face was wet… was he… crying?

Why was he crying?

L looked at the impregnated teen for several moments, then moved closer to him.

"Why are you crying, Raito-kun?" He asked innocently.

"You… You hate our baby!!" Oh… that's what it was. Mood swings were already affecting him.

"I don't hate him… I just… was surprised by the news that's all…" He explained "And besides, you should have listened to me, than all of this could be avoided," he looked at the tearing eyes. "But we can't change the past so… If you want this baby, then I do too…"

"I want it!!" He hugged L's neck happily. He had just decided he wanted the baby, after all L had just said to him he was totally moved. "I love you!!" He said looked at the eyes of his lover.

"I love you too Raito-kun." L smiled affectionately and kissed him, having apparently forgotten about the other investigation members.

"Why does Raito-kun get all the attention anyway? It's not like he's the only one pregnant around here." Matsuda grumbled. Everyone stared. "What? Did you think I was knitting these booties for myself?"

* * *

"I don't see why you couldn't have used a condom."

"I was rather busy, you understand. That hadn't actually occurred to me."

"Well now what are we supposed to do? I'm not ready for a baby."

"That's true enough. You practically _are _a baby still." Mello shrugged. Near looked hurt.

"That was cold."

"I meant it in a positive way! Jeeze, when you're like forty or something you'll be grateful that you look so much younger." The blonde chomped on his chocolate bar happily. Near started to sniffle. "Uh... what're you doing?"

"The fluctuating hormones in my impregnated body are causing my emotions to flare and I have become oversensitive. I can't help it." Near whimpered.

"Well look, I didn't mean it like that, ok? You look fine, really. And I'm sure you'll be a fantastic mother." Mello comforted somewhat awkwardly.

"Father." Near corrected. Mello flapped a hand.

"Whatever."

"Should we get a DNA test?" Near asked, wiping a few persistent tears from his eyes.

"What for?"

"Well... you know... you and Matt both... um..."

"Oh right..." Mello mused. "Huh... I don't think it really matters though."

"What? You don't think it matters who the father of my child is!?" Near's voice started to waver dangerously.

"I'm it's father, obviously. Whether or not that's true in a biological sense doesn't matter." Mello smiled, leaning forward and planting a kiss on the lips of a stunned Near.

"O-oh..." Near was sniffling again, out of happiness this time. "Mello... that's uncharacteristically sweet of you."

"Whatever." Mello said flippantly. "Man, you're not gonna be all weepy the whole nine months are you? It's kind've creepy." Near collapsed onto Mello's chest, and the blonde sighed exasperatedly. Now he was going to have tears all over his shirt...

Being rather wrapped up in this exchange, neither of them noticed a third person enter the room. This person had something important to say, but wasn't sure how to word it exactly and when faced with the scene before him he was even further thrown out of whack.

'Ah fuck this, I'm just gonna say it,' he decided.

"Um, Mello?" The person called out hesitantly. Mello turned to face the intruder. It was Matt. Mello's not noticing Matt's presence could probably be attributed to the fact that he had a collapsed pregnant boy on his chest.

"What is it Matt? I'm kind've busy." Mello indicated Near, who had tired himself out with the sobbing (which he was unaccustomed to) and was now snoring a little bit in Mello's lap.

"Err… Do you remember a few nights ago?" Matt asked. Mello made an affirmative sound. Okay now or never!! "Well, I forgot to take the pill that night and... I'm pregnant with your child now." Done! "Well… it could be Near's too I guess..."

"WHA-?" Mello screamed, but he didn't finish his phrase. Matt waited, but it didn't take long for him to realize that the blond wasn't even blinking!

"He froze…" The redhead concluded. "Oh well… since he's in shock and Near's asleep… I guess I should just take a nap!" And with that he sat down with his back against the wall, covered his eyes with his goggles, and slept.

_To Be Continued..._

* * *

**Pinku:** Hey People! These are your pretty authors!! xD we are here doing this fic for you! I hope you like it! 8D

**Lady: **You better like it! Gawd, do you know how long it took us to finish the first chapter? ...Well, no you don't. But like it ANYWAY!

**Pinku:** And for us to update faster, send us reviews, or the crazy angry pregnant people on our fic will run and attack you guys!! (muahahahahah!!)

**Lady: **We're kidding, really. We wouldn't make preggo boys run! Instead, their semes will come after you! DON'T MESS WITH L HE WILL CAPOEIRA YOUR ASS! xDD


	2. Share the Love

A/N (Lady Ali Style): Apologies for the extremely delayed update. I had an evil case of writer's block. It knocked me out for almost a month... ok actually it was a month. Anyway, I'm really sorry. It's not Pinku's fault, she did everything she could. All the blame lies with meeeee! -sobs ashamedly-

Chapter 2: Share the Love

Much later, when both Matt and Near were awake again and after Mello had shaken himself out of his stupor, there came the obvious panic from the redhead and the albino. Panic mainly centered around "oh-shit-we're-pregnant-and-we're-kids-and-what-the-hell-is-Roger-gonna-say" but also with a touch of "a-small-person-is-going-to-be-shoved-out-of-a-hole-much-too-tiny-for-people-small-or-not-to-fit-through."

Mello endured this for a while before pointing out that there wasn't much to be done about it so they might as well suck it up and quite whining. This was followed by a brief period of hysterical anger in which it was repeatedly pointed out that "That's easy for you to say Mello, you aren't the one pregnant!" until all the commotion caused a passing nurse to worriedly notify Roger of the shouting, and the old caretaker proceeded down to the scene.

"What exactly is going on?" He demanded in the tone of one who far too often finds that he does not know what is going on and is sick of it.

"Well... that depends." Mello began before either of the other two boys, who he considered currently not in possession of all their faculties, could say anything. "What's your stance on abortions?" Roger blinked.

"Are you three... having an argument about the morality of abortions?" He guessed.

"That's not an answer." Mello pointed out. Roger sighed.

"My opinion is that a person should be allowed to do what they like with their own body. That does not mean that I think abortion is right or wrong, and indeed it would depend largely on point of view to find an answer, so your debate would be pointless." Roger replied carefully.

"So you're saying that a person should be able to choose for themselves whether or not to abort their child, and that forcing someone to do it would be wrong?" Near caught on quick. Roger glanced at him hesitantly.

"Yes... wait, where are you all going with this?" Roger began to have a sneaking suspicion that this _wasn't _a debate on the morality of abortions.

"Well, Near and I are pregnant so..." Matt trailed off. There was no point in finishing the sentence. Roger had fainted.

* * *

There was silence in the hotel room that was the headquarters of the Kira investigators. Dead silence. Silence that was broken about two minutes in when L incredulously asked, "those are booties?"

Matsuda looked highly affronted.

"I just started them this morning, of course they aren't going to look that good yet." He grumbled defensively. L made a sound of comprehension. Raito self-consciously stood up out of L's arms. He cleared his throat once or twice and everyone transferred their somewhat dazed attentions to him.

"So... uh... What's the newest lead on Kira?"

"Oh yes, Kira."

"Right, we were studying the murder notebook..."

"You know, I think-"

Business as usual. The human mind has an amazing ability to recover from disturbing information.

* * *

The day had slowly settled back to normality. The NPA was trying to research the notebook without actually using it... or touching it... or even staring at it too long for that matter. The thing was creepy as hell. Misa Amane had apparently been stalking the building for a while, but eventually gave up when Raito never came back out. Oddly, the Kira killings had yet to resume now that Higuchi was dead, and there was a large aura of trepidation hanging around the whole mystery.

But enough of that, we're skipping ahead to about a week later, when Watari stumbles into the investigation room looking bewildered.

"Um, Ryuuzaki..." He began somewhat dazedly.

"Yes, Watari?" L replied, not taking his eyes from the screen in front of him yet.

"We have... visitors..." Watari continued. Instantly, all eyes in the room shifted to Watari in various stages of shock and confusion.

"Visitors?" Raito asked.

"I thought this was a top secret facility... type thing..." Aizawa commented.

"It is." L confirmed. "Thus, we should not have visitors. What are you talking about Watari?"

"Well... it's... they're..." Watari struggled to find the right words. "Nevermind. I'll let them tell you themselves." To the further confusion of the rooms occupants, Watari turned and stuck his head out the door to call "Boys!" Before turning back around and coming forward again. There was no time to ask questions before three odd youths barreled in through the entrance, two of whom seemed to be arguing about something.

"Look, I said we should have called ahead, it's not my fault if-"

"Oh yeah because Roger was obviously going to let us use the phone while he tried to hustle us out as fast as possible!"

"Well maybe if we had gone back and asked!"

"If you felt like explaining things further to him you should have said so-"

"Not what I meant!"

"Um... guys?" The smallest, quietest boy of the trio gestured to his companions as a means of informing them that they were the center of attention. A short pause as the trio took in their new surroundings. Then,

"L!" Much to the astonishment of the NPA, a blonde boy darted forward to give L a quick, enthusiastic hug.

"Hello, Mello." L greeted, somehow still calm. "Near, Matt." He nodded at the other boys in acknowledgement. "Why are you three here?"

"Well, before we answer that, what's your stance on abortions?" Matt mimicked Mello's much earlier tactics. L, however, was far more shrewd and intelligent than Roger.

"Don't tell me one of you is pregnant." He groaned slightly, placing a hand to his forehead. The NPA members started out of their reverie.

"Alright, we won't tell you then." Mello quipped neatly.

"What!? But they're just kids!" Raito cried.

"This is getting ridiculous..." Aizawa agreed. Then something terrible happened.

The fluffy pale boy, Near, started to cry.

"Aizawa, you jerk!" Matsuda admonished, giving Aizawa a light punch in the arm as Near whimpered slightly. Aizawa looked mortified.

"What? It wasn't me! I mean... I don't think it was me?"

"Near, what's wrong man?" Matt put an arm around Near's shoulders comfortingly.

"L... L is going to be so mad at us..." Near hiccuped. "A-and that guy said we're ridiculous..."

"Alright... maybe it was me... but I didn't mean anythi- OOF!" Aizawa's sentence was cut off as he was tackled by an angry blonde.

"You _moron_! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get him to stop crying once he's started?" Mello growled, yanking Aizawa's hair ferociously.

"Mello! Near! That's enough!" L leapt to his feet, dragging Mello off of Aizawa and walking over to stand next to the other two boys. "Now, I am not mad. I understand all too well that mistakes are very easy to make. I would just like to know what is going on exactly."

"Well, I'm pregnant with either Mello or Near's baby, Near's pregnant with either Mello or my baby, and Roger forced us to come to you because he doesn't want us influencing the other children at the orphanage." Matt ticked the facts off on his fingers matter-of-factly. L stared at Mello blandly.

"Really Mello, you couldn't just pick one and stick with him?" L questioned. Mello bristled.

"I did! I mean, I'm dating Near, that is. Matt's my best friend, and we just wanted to have some fun. That's it." Mello explained defensively. "We didn't expect anything like... like _this_ to happen. And now I'm going to be a father, apparently, so it's not like I can just leave one of them even if I wanted to."

"...You love Near more than me... don't you?" Matt accused suddenly. Mello moaned exasperatedly.

"We've been over this Matt! You know that's not true. I just love you guys _differently_ that's all." Mello said in the tone of one who has repeated this far too many times.

"It seemed pretty similar to me." Near pointed out between sniffles.

"Now you're just being difficult." Mello sighed, looking up at L. "You see? You see what they're like now? Nine months of this. I don't know if I can make it." Shooting a glance over his shoulder at the stricken Raito, L couldn't help but think _'I don't know either.'_

_To Be Continued..._

Lady: Um, well Pinku isn't on right now and I didn't want to deprive you guys any longer... so I'll just have her write her note later when she's back. REVIEW PLEASE!! Leave lots of lovely reviews so that maybe she'll forgive me for taking so long to finish. Pleeeease?


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